That the Dutch are very direct in their communication with others, is an idea-fixe that has taken on a life of its own.
An international asked about what she experiences as typically Dutch, will instantly mention this directness.
Even before naming the payment request app Tikkie.
As if the idea of the directness of the Dutch is shared in advance among newcomers. ‘Beware, the Dutch are very direct!’ (Read: rude).
My students are in total agreement on this perceived directness.
Except for the Kurd Kyan.
In him I find an unexpected supporter. Kiyan thinks the Dutch are not direct at all. After all, they have many words and interjections that contradict this idea.
He mentions a few examples: “Nou, maar, (eens) eventjes, best wel, gewoon and hoor.”
Kiyan: “When you say, ‘Geef me dat boek’ (Hand me that book), it sounds very direct. But I overheard Dutch people say, ‘Geef me maar eens eventjes dat boek’.”
Kiyan observed that such insertions are used to make the message seem less direct. More friendly.
“In what other language is that possible?”
But his classmates cannot be swayed, whatever Kiyan says. The Dutch are direct.
Period.
A week or so later, Zareena from Iran asks what ‘maar’ means in the sentence ‘Kijk maar’.
I explain that ‘maar’ is used here to soften the imperative; give it a soft landing as it were. Thus, the imperative becomes a permission or an encouragement to do something, rather than a strict command.
For example, when my students ask me if a sentence can be said in a different way or word order, I always respond with, ‘Probeer maar’. An encouragement to try it out and judge the result for themselves.
Zareena takes a few moments to reflect on this, before she remarks, “Nou oké, het Nederlands is niet direct.“ (Dutch language is not direct)
The smile this puts on my face is best wel a tad smug.
“Maar de Nederlanders wel.” (But the Dutch are)
I teach NT2 (Dutch as a second language), mainly to (young) internationals who came to Amsterdam for or with love and intend to stay. The conversations reproduced here were all held in Dutch. For privacy reasons the names are fictitious.
Talkin’ Lingo
Nou - well
Maar - but (can also be used as a means to soften your remark)
Best wel - somewhat
(Eens) eventjes - for a bit
Gewoon - normal (can also be used to soften a remark; then an equivalent of ‘just’)
Hoor - can be used at the end of the sentence to give your message a soft landing
