“Ik kan het gewoon niet.” (I just can’t)
Felicitas from Argentina is not struggling with some incomprehensible Dutch grammar phenomenon. Her current distress is of a different kind.
Felicitas has a Dutch boyfriend, who is about to celebrate his birthday with his family and friends.
So far, so good.
But, as Felicitas experienced at previous verjaardagsfeestjes, the Dutch have a tradition of congratulating literally every attendee with the birthday of the one throwing the party.
“It's crazy, it’s awkward. I really can't handle going around the room shaking hands with twenty or so people I hardly know, kissing them on the cheek and telling them ‘Gefeliciteerd met Daan!’.”
She shivers, even if it’s 26 ℃ in our classroom. (78.8 ℉)
But her boyfriend’s mother is very keen on this tradition, Daan keeps reminding her.
“I love my schoonmoeder, I love my vriendje, but I’m truly thinking of staying home.”
As a teacher of Dutch to internationals, I regularly encounter abhorred reactions to certain Dutch traditions. And often I realize they might have a point.
Letting people walk into your living room wearing the shoes they wear on the streets? Questionable, to say the least.
Sending Tikkies for minuscule amounts? Stingy.
So, after Felicitas’s rant, I did some self-examination on this congratulatory thing which is still going strong, even amongst Dutch youths.
Is it cringe, as she is experiencing with her whole body? Should we skip it?
As I contemplated the matter, a proverb came to mind.
‘It takes a village to raise a child’.
To feed, educate, dress and raise a child safely and healthily, parents or guardians need the support of a community—however small.
When you invite guests to your birthday party, they’re not random folks. They are that community. Whom you’ve been depending on for many things. Maybe just for a coffee every now and then. These family members, friends and/or neighbors support you, carry you, on your journey through life. Right?
Isn’t it a small gesture of kindness, then, to acknowledge just that, by congratulating everyone present with de jarige?
A sense of mutual care, conveyed through these three words: Gefeliciteerd met X*.
Because they’re there…
Or, it’s just cringe.
* naam zelf in te vullen
My latest book: Marjan Ippel, Nederlands is zooo makkelijk | Dutch is sooo easy.
Order it here, or ask for it at your local Dutch/Belgian bookshop.
Verjaardagslingo
Gefeliciteerd - congrats
De verjaardag - birthday
Het verjaardagsfeest(je) - birthday party
De jarige - birthday girl/boy/person
Het vriendje - boyfriend
De schoonmoeder - mother-in-law
